Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Day One : LA to San Fran

Mile 20 -- Jeff was speeding in Malibu. We hit a giant pothole/hill thing and caught air. Hi...we almost died.

Mile 56 -- We pass a sign that says "End of Freeway."

JEFF: "Uh oh...end of freeway."

JON: "Oh...that just means that the freeway is going to end."

Mile 60 -- Jeff wonders where the ocean went. We are official Oxnard...surrounded by orange groves...exactly like in this Monday's episode of the "big pile of who cares" that we are escaping from. Jon and Jeff are chaotic.

Mile 66 -- Back on Track...and we're fucked. Bad traffic on the 101 at 2:35pm. What the F? It's not even rush hour and we're in Oxnard!!!

Mile 68 -- A half hour later...we've gone two miles.

Mile 69 -- There's a welder taking up an entire lane. Thanks.

Mile 90 -- First sign for San Fran! 90 Miles down...353 Miles to go. And oh yeah, it's already 3:15pm.

Mile 99 -- First pee break at 3:25pm. Traffic and construction ensue.

Mile 99.1 -- 3:34pm. Too much construction + Traffic = Pee break aborted

Mile 99.8 -- Hi...we got lost leaving the gas station from Pee break redux.

Mile 100 -- Jeff has loses his mind in front of Montecito Shores. U-turns are chaotic.

Mile 101 -- Back on track.

Mile 165 -- Jon learns that one should not ignore government issued letters...especially from the unemployment office.

Mile 175 -- Late linner at Pappy's Diner in Santa Maria. Name of our waitress: Pamela. Good greasy food, crispy bacon, happy drivers.

Mile 288 -- Road Trip Lesson #1: Carl's Jr. Coffee is not so good, but their cookies are really soft.

Mile 295 -- Sugar-Free Red Bull #1 + Shaking your head around = Carsick

Mile 303 -- Jeff announces, "We really are in the middle of nowhere."

Mile 309 -- It begins to rain. Miles to San Francisco: 130

Mile 343 -- Jeff asks, "Does Target sell windshield wipers?"

Mile 359 -- After passing both Garlic Farm and Garlic Shoppe, Jon announces that we're in "garlicville."

Mile 384 -- Miles to San Francisco: 57. Jon's Sugar-Free Red Bull Count: 2.

Mile 400 -- It's Monsooning outside of San Fran. They must know we're coming.

Mile 407 -- IT'S ON! Jeff and Jon are having a bladder infection contest (who can hold off wazzing the longest).

Mile 433 -- We're officially in San Fran.

Mile 438 -- San Fran seems to be evacuating. Jon thinks there are zombies afoot.

Mile 439 -- We're here!

Mile 439.1 -- Jon loses the bladder infection contest.


Blogger Cristin said...

Oh man, chaos ensues in the gayest possible district in the gayest possible city in well...the gayest state in the country. AAAnyway. Keep on truckin' boys, and by "truckin'" I of course mean, being chaotic.

10:46 PM  
Anonymous jimmy said...

No joke, but I LOVE Pappy's Diner! I was there a few months ago and was inspired to create a show around it. Think about it!

I LOVE THIS BLOG!!! I am so entertained!

12:19 PM  
Anonymous MamaRu said...

What letter from the unemployment office?

10:02 AM  
Blogger Toni said...

jeff i thought we exorcised you of this need to hop in your car and drive under the guise of a "road trip". i'll be holding my breath until you reveal that return priceline ticket that departs... yesterday.
all kidding aside, i wish i'd known sooner you'd be out of town. i'm in town visiting for ad's marvelous garage sale. apparently i'm buying some crusty european mentos i snuck past customs...

8:01 PM  

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