Saturday, May 07, 2005

Day Four : Eugene, OR to Seattle, WA

Mile 998 -- Breakfast at Deb's Family Restaurant. Our waitress, Jessica, is cute, blond, and about 16 years old. Jeff covets her pink braces.

Mile 998.1 -- Bye Eugene!

Mile 1000 -- We've driven a thousand miles everyone!

Mile 1010 -- Casey Kasem is still on the radio...who knew? He's playing Kelly Clarkson! Jon is very excited. Jeff screams on the inside.

Mile 1055 -- We pass signs for "Thrillville" and "Enchanted Forest." We don't stop.

Mile 1057 -- 224 Miles to Seattle!

Mile 1067 -- We pass by a sign that informs us that we're halfway between the Equator and the North Pole...which sounds suspiciously like the leather shoppe that was across the street from Beck's Motor Lodge.

Mile 1080 -- We're listening to the Murmurs in Oregon. Hi...our car being gently humped by Oregonian lesbians.

Mile 1086 -- We pass by a series of yellow signs that read: "Buy Oregon Food," "By the Bushel or the Pound," "It's the Best," "You'll find around." The State of Oregon's Department of Agriculture clearly needs to stop reading Dr. Seuss before "Sign Day."

Mile 1088 -- Ugliest. Car Color. Ever.

Mile 1093 -- F***ed again! We're stuck outside of Portland in traffic.

Mile 1094 -- Jon discovers Jeff's extensive TV Theme collection on his laptop. He declares "It's A Living" to be the BEST TV THEME SONG EVER.

Mile 1100 -- We're in Portland!

Mile 1115.2 -- Bye Portland! See you tomorrow night!

Mile 1115.3 -- We're in Washington!

Mile 1115.4 -- It's raining...again.

Mile 1115.7 -- This is a very busy mile everyone.

Mile 1115.8 -- And we still need new windshield wipers.

Mile 1137 -- "Dike Access Road." Not so hot.

Mile 1164 -- We see signs for Mt. Saint Helens...but not Mt. Saint Helens.

Mile 1206 -- Kelly Clarkson is on the radio again! Since Jon doesn't really feel like dying, he changes the station.

Mile 1209 -- I don't care what you say Jim F***in' Alberano. Chocolate Velamints are disgusting. They taste like hot chocolate powder. And we just ran out of Vanilla Velamints! Ah! Our palates need to be cleansed!

Mile 1211 -- Kelly Clarkson...AGAIN! Jon quickly changeds the station to one that is playing Nirvana. Thank g-d for Kurt Cobain. Hi...we're listening to Nirvana on our way to Seattle, where we are going to drink coffee at Starbucks.

Mile 1215 -- And now we're listening to Pearl Jam. It's like we are in "Singles." Jeff announces he's never seen "Singles." Somewhere in California, Matt Dillon cries.

Mile 1216 -- Summer Crisp Lemon Muffin Break.

Mile 1216.1 -- Jon hearts Neosporin.

Mile 1221 -- We're in Olympia. An All-American City. How do we know that it is an "All-American City?" Because their welcome sign told us so.

Mile 1252 -- After hearing "Mr. Brightside" for the eighth time, Jon decides that he hates radio. (Sorry Bookie!)

Mile 1258 -- We pass by "Enchanted Water Park." Jeff says that it's "magically wet." Jon puts Jeff in the Comedy Penitentiary, where Mandel is serving a life sentence.

Mile 1274 -- We're entering Seattle! And the sun is out...even though this is the one place where it's supposed to be raining.

Mile 1286 -- First Seattle gay bar sighting! Name of gay bar: "Changes"

Mile 1286.7 -- Giant Bike Sighting!

Mile 1286.9 -- We're almost at Ellen and Art's house!

Mile 1287 -- And now...we've passed it.

Mile 1287.1 -- We're here! And there is Ellen on the front porch! It doesn't look like a gay sex hotel at all! You can rest easy tonight MamaRu!


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